Conflicted

I dunno whether to believe the sms I read last night (around midnight) ... it was a message from him:

"Hi, sorry din get back to you. Cell phone sent for repairs. Dun need the books. You can have them. Hope all well. Good diving? Take care."

So what do you make of that after your ex-boyfriend disappears from the scene; even missed your birthday while he is at it? It didn't sound like a guy who was interested to even keep a friendship going when "all the love is gone". What I decipher (hey, am still human yah!) from the sms message was:

"Its definitely over (just wanted to put it across to you GENTLY that my cell phone was spoilt and darn Americans need 1 month just to repair the phone) and that since I have pride, you can keep the books (coz I definitely couldn't bring myself to get the books from you after what I put you through). I hope you are getting fine without me (you have to move on coz I have). Btw, how was the diving? You went diving sometime... in July right? (see, I am still a nice guy despite what happened between us) Ok want to keep this message short and sweet so take care."

It took awhile for the sms to sink in (I was temporarily paralysed, staring at my cell phone). Deep down, I thank him for his 'generosity' coz I love the books he lent me - Life of Pi, The Piano Tuner and some of James Patterson novels.

Then I decided the civil/neutral way to reply his sms was just to email him an extract of my blog and share the online photo albums I have on the Manado Dive Trip. I know some of my pals would say, "Why even bother with the JERK?!" To me, live and let live; Its over so move on. There is no point in holding on to the anger or disappointment I have about him, he'd still be controlling me that way.

And you know what is ironic. I read my cousin's blog today and she published "our song" - Carpenters "Close to You" yesterday, the day the 'kind soul' decided to reply my sms sent a month ago. Oh well, I pray that he is doing fine in the States.

They say every ending marks a new beginning. For all its worth, we had it good and I cherish those moments:

"Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love." - George Eliot

The trials and tribulations I faced in the relationship (aka courage of sorrows ) made me a stronger and better person for me (if not for anybody else) and I am blessed for that opportunity:

"The greatness comes not when things go always good for you. But the greatness comes when you're really tested, when you take some knocks, some disappointments, when sadness comes. Because only if you've been in the deepest valley can you ever know how magnificent it is to be on the highest mountain." - Richard Nixon.

I see tomorrow with renewed hope as I truly attain my closure. Wish me luck in my next relationship! :)

"Courage, it would seem, is nothing less than the power to overcome danger, misfortune, fear, injustice, while continuing to affirm inwardly that life with all its sorrows is good; that everything is meaningful even if in a sense beyond our understanding; and that there is always tomorrow." - Dorothy Thompson